In memory of my dad, Ed Bechtel.

(I’d started and restarted about 3 different drafts of this one, only to realize in re-reading my Pastor’s Funeral Mass Homily for dad that it was practically impossible to improve upon. I’m putting an abridged version of that eulogy below, with some of my 15-year-later builds in (parentheses).)

Fr. Tom Cima

May 14, 2002

When someone dies, everyone loses and we lose in a variety of ways. We lose what he was, what he would have been, and some of what we were when we were with him. There are a lot of stories in the building today.

First, he was a son. Then he was a brother (Joan). Then he was a husband (Mary Jo), and father, and brother-in-law (Trice Patrice). Quite recently, he became a father-in-law (Barb). He has been a gracious colleague and warm friend to me and to many. He was an active member of a distinguished cadre of monthly card players (JoAnn, Daniel, Marilyn). He was Uncle Ed (Larry, MC, Janet, Sandi, Jennifer, et al) and Papa B to countless young people who adored him. (They really did. The fondest even called him “The Walrus” on account of his killer ‘stache. (Sanjay) If only his grandchildren could have met their Papa B. And he them.) He was a neighbor and accountant and bartender and parishioner and Market Day worker (Patricia, Sue) and Cub Master (Matt) and School Board President. He was certainly all that. But in all those, he was so much more. He was quiet and shy, had a wicked sense of humor that spared no one. His love was not ostentatious but it was never in doubt. His dedication was never flashy but you could always count on it. His loss is indescribable but no less painful for lack of adequate words.

But we do not gather today as a people without help, a people without hope. We are an Easter people, a community of the Resurrection, an assembly that dares to sing Alleluia in the face of death. Ed is at peace. His sudden death was as much a blessing for him as it is a heavy ache in the hearts of all of us. He has gone home to claim the rewards of his goodness and a wonderful reunion with family and friends. These convictions that we hold are not superstition or wishful thinking or some kind of childhood myth we have failed to outgrow.

Death is not just about the memories of the past or heartbreak of the present. Death is also about the future. All of us are dealing with the inevitable question: Is this fair? For all our hope In God, this anger at the unfairness of it all will not go away easily. So we have a choice: We can nurse our bitterness or we can carry on his goodness in our lives, the only real path to healing and peace.

• You and I now need to care for this family and our own. (You all have. In spades. Especially memorable was the support shown by my co-workers at the time, who warmed my heart by coming to Dad’s wake. Sanjay. Christopher. Christopher Michael et al. And also “My other dad named Edwin”, who’s called me “son” from the get go, and never so meaningfully as when my dad passed.)
• In a world where power is worshipped, his gentleness deserves to have a greater place in life. (So true then. So much more-so now. Dad: You taught me that in communication, listening is more important than talking. You taught me that greatness can lie in quiet moments, and that introverts carry a special power all their own. I see this virtue of yours in Brady and it makes me smile every day.)
• When the family gathers and there is a missing place at the table, I hope somebody can finally learn how to make a decent Brandy Alexander. (I try my damnedest every year. Almost nailed it.)
• In most of his jobs, Ed was the thorn among the roses. He worked so well among so many women because his respect for your soul was more important than your gender. In a society where men are from Mars and women from Venus, this is a gift for us to share. (90’s book references aside, another “So true then. So much more-so now.)
• Most important of all, we have to be good. Everybody you talked to said Ed was “a good guy.” He was not rich, he was not famous. He was good. Goodness is what life is really all about. Goodness is what Jesus came to teach. For a man who put everybody else in the spotlight, it was his goodness that has put his name on the Church marquee because that is what we are all about. And, again, the Scripture says it so well: “None of us lives for himself and no one dies for oneself. In life and in death, we are the Lord’s.” (Amen.)

(Love you dad, and miss you dearly.)